Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
its liver damage thursday
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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