also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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