u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
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I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
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How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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