Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
