is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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