babies were throwing up all over the place
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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