Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
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That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
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I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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