so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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