actually, I'm a sock model
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
