From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
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See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
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Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize