I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I can't turn off my feet"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
