Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize