so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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