i permit you to call me
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
