you guys were way drunker than both of me
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
