i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
