dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
