just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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