How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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