Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
4 words: hood of his car
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
