I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
