You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
