Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The power of my boobs compel you
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
