the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
