Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
