he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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