I hate your face
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
