my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.