i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
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he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
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And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.