Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Where were you when I was single???

  (1-617): View more from Massachusetts

  Still in diapers.

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  (617): Where were you when I was single??? (1-617): Still in diapers. http://tfl.nu/ngk8
  Replies (15) Good night (1650) Bad night (892)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore

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  (706): If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore http://tfl.nu/b6gx
  Replies (14) Good night (3896) Bad night (902)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.

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  (865): If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport. http://tfl.nu/vfi8
  Replies (26) Good night (3980) Bad night (1968)
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  (858): View more from California

  She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.

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  (858): She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause. http://tfl.nu/nsj4
  Replies (38) Good night (5791) Bad night (843)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same

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  (480): I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same http://tfl.nu/efli
  Replies (6) Good night (616) Bad night (3129)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.

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  (608): I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter. http://tfl.nu/xqss
  Replies (13) Good night (3674) Bad night (1797)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born

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  (479): Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born http://tfl.nu/g2yi
  Replies (2) Good night (3395) Bad night (1047)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate

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  (630): I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate http://tfl.nu/l99f
  Replies (8) Good night (1438) Bad night (1190)
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...

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  (213): I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question... http://tfl.nu/p1j1
  Replies (8) Good night (1210) Bad night (621)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.

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  (307): MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting. http://tfl.nu/3tf3
  Replies (4) Good night (428) Bad night (1054)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?

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  (425): So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt? http://tfl.nu/9qop
  Replies (8) Good night (1736) Bad night (530)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled

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  (910): I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled http://tfl.nu/mvb6
  Replies (8) Good night (642) Bad night (1150)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.

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  (203): My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice. http://tfl.nu/5nl5
  Replies (0) Good night (525) Bad night (571)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me

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  (+44): I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me http://tfl.nu/ggvm
  Replies (2) Good night (897) Bad night (296)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I am one with the molecules

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  (602): I am one with the molecules http://tfl.nu/9vlj
  Replies (1) Good night (406) Bad night (127)

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