She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?