Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
is that a dick in a sweater?