You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened