Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
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Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
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He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?