There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
