every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
