Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
