She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
