i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
