I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
