I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
