Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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