You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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