well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
