Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
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he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
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By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
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