Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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