if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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