I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
