my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
When are your genitals available?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
