I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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