Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
