If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
