mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
