Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
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I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
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We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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