and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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