I just cut my nipple shaving
he thought i was a dude.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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