guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
