...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
