Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
