Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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