I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
