Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
