literally had 100 drinks last night.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
