I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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