I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
