You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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