no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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