As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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