I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
