Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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